one of my truest friends and inspirations.  / Marisol Garcia (Friend)
John, I just found this page tonight. ( I'm so bad on this internet stuff) and I was so happy to see this tribute to your life. I think about you often, but you know that, because I feel your presence. I think of all the after school hours spent together at Badlands.. your sk8boarding competitions, your newspaper article when you were captured doing an indie grab on the half pipe ,the guitar serenades on my home answering machine that I would look forward to every night when I was 14-15 ... (("Love Song"))... I can remember the strumming of each string so clearly, so perfectly...Your dedications to me were so heartfelt, even though we were just kids, you were so true to our friendship, our bond. I still have the down feather comforter you got me for my birthday when I was in 9th grade (you in 10th) ... when you handed it to me you said " since you will not let me keep you warm anymore .. here .. happy birthday" .. and the tiny card attached to the box said "Friends are meant to keep each other warm love always, John"... and the endless array of sk8 wear you would give me, (Chocolate and Girl) We had an undescribable connection, a true friendship, some crazy fun times, and some dumb childish quarrels...

 you were such a talented person, everything you touched turned into gold. the guitar, skateboard, and your lyrics were so powerful. I never understood what you saw in me... because I thought you were sooo amazing, and I was just.. Marisol...

 You were an amazing friend to me always. You taught me how to drive, you were the first boy to ever tell me  "I Love You" ( and I think the only one that ever really meant it, other than my son , to this day) .. . We shared so many special moments growing up. We grew so close and I was always so amazed by your talent.. . I can remember your laugh, your snicker, when I would say that "everything you touched turned into gold"  you would smile, look at the ground, snicker and say.. "yea, it's whatever , you know... " so humble, so smart, ... the brightest minds are often the most turbulent ones though.. because after one thought comes another, and the logic of each reality you come across is followed by yet another... you had a powerful mind. and sometimes this great mind becomes our demise... ( GOD , I MISS YOU SO MUCH :**(**     )

My parents passed away in 2001 and 2003, so I am SURE my mother met you at the Gates. ( maybe my over protective father did too..). she LOVED YOU so much. She would walk in the house after her and I had gone out, and she would press the PLAY button on the answering machine.(already knowing what would be on there). and there would ALWAYS be a 5 minute recording of a song you played on the guitar for me... my mom would sigh...and say " MARRY THIS BOY ALREADY.. I wish I had serenades by your father every night when I was 15!" I will never forget what we had, who you were, and how special of a human being you were.

I think and dream of you always. And cannot wait til we meet again.

I love you Forever John Fernandes. BFF. Close

4 years, like an eternity yet like yesterday  / Mom

Son,

I miss you every minute of every day, expecting that this will be as long as I breathe. So much has happened since you left us, so many things that we all wish you were here to share with us. Not the first years as our pain was so great, we would have tried to protect you from the worst as we always tried to do.

We are so happy to receive the signs that you send, don't ever stop. You are only a heartbeat away, and love is never ending. We miss you terribly but know that you have the peace & joy that eluded you on this earthly plain. So loved by so many, yet so tortured by the night terrors that wouldn't let you rest; I am so sorry that we couldn't fix it and help you to stay with us. We so wanted you to stay, in spite of you wanting to go. We couldn't understand, or didn't want to accept; we fought to keep you with us but as usual, you got your way. You are so much a part of us always, and of every life you touched.

So many lives, you have family and friends that are family. Even today, 4 years since you left us, your closest friends keep in touch with us. The truest of family is without regard to blood lines. 

Since you left us, I moved to the little town in SC where I wanted to retire. I wish you could have spent more time there - we remember when you went there with me so many years ago. We have been blessed to keep in contact with Colin; hopefully the day will come when I can look into his eyes - your eyes - hopefully. We are blessed that we can know him & he us... again family without regard to the rules. As you know, your sisters are doing great. Your twin nephews are soooo loved & blessed - and I am sure that you & Jonathan are watching over your namesakes. I trust that you and the Grandfathers will give them the special blessings that they need.

4 years. Only a blink in time. Like yesterday. The air is still as we approach this day. I would do my usual "stay in bed with a blanket over my head" until the day is over, except that one of the twins came home today and I don't want to miss his tomorrow. I am forever sorry that we are missing yours.

Always, always. Every minute of every day. We love you and miss you, Son. Love you much.

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Love Is Eternal  / Babamadis Migwan Ikwe

Aanii Nina & John, even Niboowin cannot separate the Zahgidiwin you have for each other, Babamadis Migwan Ikwe

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god bless  / Connie Aunt 2. Angel Sammy Pepe
To Amber and her family- I came upon this website as I have a website for my nephew who also took his life at the age of 19 on the first day of summer June 21, 2003.  Like your beautiful brother my nephew Sammy was a free spirit and full of life, he had many friends and a family that loved him dearly.  I understand your grief completely as a sister as I also lost my brother to suicide on May 1, 1979 - he was 22 years old.  My brother was and is my hero. He survived so much before taking his own life.  My nephew was like my 2nd son.  We were extremely close and talked about everything but unfortunately I must have had my eyes closed because I did not see this coming. After 4 years I am still grieving like it was yesterday. 

Your angel is gorgeous, I have tears in my eyes from seeing his pictures. What a smile - what a heavenly angel. 

God bless you and your family

Connie

http://sammypepe.memory-of.com Close

Miss you  / Jamie (Friend)
John,
The three year anniversary of your death is approaching and I can feel it in the air. The subtle change in weather brings me back to that day. It’s hard to put into words the way I feel other than to say it is just so overwhelming. I’m so grateful to have had you in my life and at the same time so filled with pain. I still remember the first day we met. I instantly loved you and knew you would be a special friend in my life. I remember feeling completely comfortable being my goofy self around you and how much fun we had. Being around you made ordinary days extraordinary. Trips to the mall became adventures. Walks in the park became journeys. Nights out on the town became nights I will never forget. It’s hard to talk about you without sounding as if I’m exaggerating but it’s all so true. Your light shined on everyone around you and I could see parts of myself shining through that would normally remain hidden. I miss all the fun and even some of the drama. I miss the obnoxious sound of your laughter which was almost as bad as mine… and the combination of our laughter was something horribly great :) I loved that fact that you weren’t “too cool” to sing karaoke with me or sit at Starbucks and gossip. When I was around you, your energy transferred to me and suddenly combined with coffee, I hardly slept, and who would want to? I might have missed out on one of those crazy days or crazy nights. It’s crazy because all of the sudden I’ve known you in death longer than in life and I just can’t seem to purge all of these feelings and for the most part I don’t even want to. Some days it feels like and dull ache. Some days it’s a stabbing, throbbing pain. Some days I find myself randomly laughing out loud thinking of a funny memory that we shared. Everyday I am thankful for all the good times and good memories and just having been able to experience your friendship which was truly one of a kind. You were truly one of a kind. As your “anniversary” approaches, I promise that I will try my hardest not to focus on the sadness. I want to celebrate your life because that’s what you would have wanted. I love you, John. I miss you. I think about you all the time. Until we meet again… One. xoxo Jamie
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Just saying hello  / Gina Perez Webb ((just visiting) )
I saw an entry from Nina Fernandes on Wesley McGoldrick's memorial site.  I share the same name as his (Wes) mom and have built a good relationship online with her.  My son suffers from bipolar disorder and many other diagnosis.  He struggles everyday and through the connection of our names we were able to connect and share our stories.  I pray that I never endure the pain that your family or Gina's family has endured.  I will keep you in my prayers! Close

My Condolences  / Caroline Paton Scotland/uk (Visitor)
May the East fling open your windows,
and fill your rooms with air;
May the South send you strong sunshine,
and give you the strength to dare;
May the West wash rivers into your heart,
and oceans into your soul,
May the North share the secrets and gifts of the earth,
to heal and make you whole.
Blessed Be.

My Brother left this world by his own hands 5yrs ago
he was 33yrs old. A kindred spirit I can only offer my condolences. Close

Friend of Nina and Tevas  / Brooke Montana
Nina, you gave me so much strenghth in the short amount of time we knew each other, not even knowing we would soon share this painful bond. I will always be grateful for your friendship. There is not a night that goes by that I don't hold you, Tevas and your son in my thoughts. I'm sure you've had a similar conversation with your "little angel".

Talking to My Angel

Christain, the time I rocked you on me knee
Was much shorter than that time should be
But inside my heart I still rock on
And treasure you as my darling son
Not a day passes when I don't think of you . . .

Oh Mommy I love you, I hear your prayers
I sit beside your bed and stroke your hair
Holding your hand I watch you sleep
My face cuddles close against your cheek
Not a night passes where I'm not with you . . .

My sweet son I only wish we had shared more joys
More birthday presents and Christmas toys
I feel in my life there has been an empty place
Because I could not stare into my little boy's face
There's not a morning I don't cry missing you . . . 

Mommy I have seen you shed your tears
I have watched you struggle these last three years
Don't you realize I have always been there
Those Christmas's and birthday's we DID get to share
God sent me in many ways . . .
In your heart you know this to be true . . .

Yes my Christian dear, I know it's true
I have felt you in many ways
Yet I still feel cheated at losing you
At such an early age . . .
Is that wrong of me?

No mommy, I understand . . .
Just let me say this . . .
Sweet mother, my mother whom I love and adore
I shall stand by your side forevermore
As you fight depression from taking your strength
My hands will hold you steady in place
All you need do is think my name
Or better yet sing to yourself our "Cozy Bear" song 
The one you used to sing to me in your arms when I cried
As you start to sing, I'll join in
We will share our special song once again
But instead of it being my tears that you dry
It will be your pain that will soon subside
Just as you can count on my brother Nick 
You can always close your eyes and think of me
I will come close and embrace you . . . 
Mommy you have my spirit, my heart, my strength to live on .
Just as you mom live on inside of me . . .
Now smile . . .
I love you! 

I love you too my sweet angel.
Christian Montana August 11, 1994-September 21, 2003

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My condolences to you  / Connie (none)
To the family of John - I wanted to offer you my condolences at the passing of this beautiful young man.  I know too well about suicide. My brother took his life in 1979.  He also mentioned suicide to us on more than one occassion but none of us took him seriously as he seemed to always "bounce" back the next day. When he did take his life it devasted all of us.  On June 21, 2003 my nephew took his life at the age of 19.  There were no signs of depression with my nephew and he never talked about suicide.  

Its devastating to lose a child under any circumstance, but suicide leaves you with the question "why" and "what if I had done more".  

My heart goes out to all of the family of John. 

God bless you all

Connie - Sammy's aunt - http://sammypepe.memory-of.com Close

Son's ANGEL FRIEND  / Marvin Hardin (Son's ANGEL Friend )
John, I hope you have met my Son and the two of you are catching some big fish, Know that you will always be LOVED!!!!!and REMEMBERED Marvin Sr.Pop of Marvin JR.(Marvo) Close

you will always be remembered...  / Peggy Bolling (Aunt)

Sue, my heart is with you..... love you.. Aunt Peg

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Gone to soon  / Marco Spoon
I never me john, but i feel as thou i know him. His mom and i discussed him often. I only wish i could have spoken to him in person. He and I shared the same love for music. I hate i never got a chance to work with him on a song. I know he's making a great song right now.

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John is walking on streets of gold, in heaven, in all his glory  / Aunt To Tina Passerby
  Dear Nina, thank you for your kind words. at the site for my precious neice Tina, take comfort in knowing, John, is walking on streets of gold, in heaven, in all his glory, I was so thankful that you understand ,  alot of people don't understand the pain, that one goes through with this illness called depression, and the pain it leaves behind to the ones that have to go on, only God knows a preson's heart, Tina loved the Lord, i have had some people try and break my spirit, but i know what God's word says, we must look at the soliders of the bibical days, at war they took their lives, because they could not bear it, and God's word tells us, they went to be with the Lord, King David, had a man killed for a woman, what did God say about David, [he said David, was a man after his, [God's] heart, Paul, killed christians, before he saw the light of the Lord, i know Tina, and John, are in glory, God knows a preson can have a deadly diease of the mind, just as they can have a deadly diease of the body, people come to Tina's site, and say i know it had to be a hard choice, for Tina to take her life, Tina, didn't make a choice, she had no choice, she was very ill, and at that moment not thinking in her right frame of mind, so we are never to judge, God said i will have mercy on whom i will have mercy on, and i know God had mercy on John, and Tina, we will see them again, in glory, until that day, God Bless, and Take Care....  Close

Christmas 2005  / Gina/Wesleys Mum
I just want you to know, John, that I am thinking about you and your family over the holidays in particular. Wish you could be here to share them with us.....wish my son, Wesley could be here to share then with us too.....
Hope all you angels have a peaceful christmas.
All my love to you and my Wes, 
Gina xx Close

Thinking of you;  / Patti:... Momma To Seth... (no relation )
Wanted to let your family know that I am thinking of them and all the other families like us that have lost our children.This time of year is especially hard for me as I imagine it is for your family.Feel free to contact me if you need to talk,I will gladly lend a shoulder as we all need them to deal with our losses.Sending much love your way and hopes that your holiday goes smoothly.Merry Christmas.Patti(momma to Seth) Close