6 Months  / Mom

April 26th, 2005 is a Tuesday, and will be 6 months since he left us. So long ago, yet like yesterday. Please take a minute to send your thoughts to him and to all of us.  We continue to grieve and miss him so much.
 
We are a family now, bonded by loving him.  Please be gentle with your selves and be patient as we all try to heal, know that he had no idea that we would suffer so.  He loved us and we know that.
His illness took away his ability to see the light and the darkness consumed him. The pain of staying became greater than the pain of leaving.  

This does not lessen how much we loved him, or him us. Please remember that and remember him, remember his smile and his laugh. He is so much a part of all who he touched and he is so loved always.

I thank each of you for lighting candles for him, and for us.  He was my baby boy, even when taller than me and talking all grown up. I miss him. His kiss goodnight. His hugs goodbye when he was leaving for the evening. His complaints about the lighting and the mirrors. He never met a mirror he didn't like. I just miss him. 

If I could have gone in his place, I would have. I would give my being to not miss him. I know you understand.  But we will all be okay, we will learn to be okay, missing him.

Wishing you fair winds and peaceful nights.

Send your thoughts. Light a candle. Share your memories with all of us by adding to his memorial. Add your stories about times you shared with him.

Hugs and love,

Nina

Close

Walk in peace.  / Billy Achenbach (Brother)

I am not sure where to start.. This is so hard for me, I have been here so often and can not seem to get something down.  There is so much greatness in all of you.  There is so much that I want to say, when I try, it never comes out the way I wish.  I will just let you know you are all in my thoughts every day.  there has not been a day pass that I do not think of you all or of John. 
I love you all
Billy

Close

From one sister to another  / Correen Dobie (None)

Amber,
You do not know me, and i did not know your brother. I just wanted to reach out to you from one sister to another sister who has lost a brother. My brother just commited suicide on Nov. 30 (9 years to the day my father did the same thing) and i understand the feeling of emptyness you feel. Sometimes "the siblings" get forgotten, and people dont seem to realize that we are hurting too. I think of it this way...When a parent/child looses a child/parent, they lose their past, when a spouce looses a husband or wife, they loose their future. when a sibling looses an brother or sister they loose their past AND their future. I feel like i have lost my soul. I know you are feeling a tremendous amount of pain too, but hang in there. Time will not make the loss of your brother go away, but it will allow you to live again, as i am sure that John would not have wanted any less for you. Never let him leave your heart, as he is a part of you.
A far away friend (Alberta,Canada)

Close

Denise's Song for John  / Nina (Mother)
Denise gave us permission to add one of her songs to his memorial. She wrote this song for John in 2002. She has a beautiful voice. Listening to the words, we cried. They echo the feelings of so many that he touched, we thought it should be included here. 

For all of us, I am sorry that we have to visit here because it means he left us. I hope you are healing. For all of us, I wish fair winds and peaceful night.

Love,

Nina Close

happy valentine's day chulo!  / Rainn
Close

happy birthday john!  / Rainn
at midnight we were celebrating at andy's last year, i remember how shocked you were when we turned off the radio, announced happy birthday and brought out your cake with the whole bar singing to you.  you were so happy, i think you even forgot about the pool game you were playing.  and then later that day after our morning sleep i had your outfit laid out and before dinner we had to find the perfect pair of shoes for your new outfit.  we never even made it to dinner at montey's like we had planned.  i quess thats just a typical day for us.  we were never on time for anything!  i'm still not.  i miss you so much and can't believe your not gonna be here to celebrate your own birthday.  your party is at hot dogs tonight.  were gonna play pool, eat birthday cake, and we will all salute you shots of hennesy and grey goose.  dinners at your ma's house before hot dogs and you know will be eating good.  today is probably gonna be one of the toughest to get through but for you i'll do anything to make your birthday the best i can.  you'll never be forgotten and you will always be my favorite memory at the end of each night and the beginning of each morning.  we love you in 360 ways.... Close

Forever... / Sharon Waldrum (Nina's Friend)
Matt, you have been in my prayers more nights than I can remember... your mom and I often talked of you into the wee hours....   those who knew you, loved you...Tonight there are a thousand stars in the sky, each star is a pledge of their undieing love for you. Although the veil of death has crossed your face before them. . . .. you go to the other side to wait for them.. for you are their love ... your are their life.. their souls will appear lifeless until you reunite and give them rebirth....  rest well sweet prince... Close

from dr blumenthals office  / Bradley
i hope u are in a better place god bless you Close

''IF I COULD''  / Helena Aka''dez'' Meeker (friend)

There are thingz in life i cannot change although i wish i could...
id bring you back or go to you oh only if i could...
id love to sit and talk with you to be with you all day,but thoughts like this bringz sadness...and tearz gets in the way...
i realize so often,thoughts of you collide with everything i do each day and keeps my soul alive.
god givez me comfort in the thingz i know are yet to be...
he givez me strength and whisperz,
''your friend is here with me...''
i couldnt count the many wayz that ive been blessed by you
so many timez you made me smile with just a wink or two...
its hard to say just what you did or how it came about.all i know iz with your love,i never went with out!!
i hope you know in all thingz your thought of,and i would do anything to be with you.
oh only if i could....
rest in peace!!!!!-1-
                                dez                                                              

Close

STARTING OVER  / RAINN

IM STARTING OVER WITH DAILY CRIES
WISHING EACH OF THESE TEARS WERE JUST LIES
IM TRYING TO FOLLOW THE PATH OF MY TEARS
JUST SO I CAN STAND TALL AND BE FREE OF MY FEARS
I HOLD YOUR HAND THAT RESTS ON MY LEFT SHOULDER
TRYING TO FIGHT LIFES WEIGHT OF A BOULDER
DEPRESSION HITS HARD
AND THIS TIME IM DEALT WITH A RUSSIAN ROULET CARD
NOT KNOWING WHICH WAY TO TURN I PRAY TO DREAM OF YOU,
TO FEEL YOUR SUDDEN RUSH
YOU FEEL SO REAL BUT THIS PAIN HURTS LIKE A REALLY BAD CRUSH
WHICH WAY AM I SUPPOSE TO BE GOING
WHICH SIGNS AM I SUPPOSE TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO

 

Close

MY CONDOLENCES TO THE FAMILY  / ANGEL (DEL'S GIRLFRIEND)
MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY GOES OUT TO THE FAMILY. I HEARD THE WONDERFUL STORIES OF JOHN AND THE FUN DEL AND TODD HAD WITH HIM. I WISH I COULD HAVE MET HIM!!! Close

May His Soul Rest in Peace  / Fred Ogionwo (Friend)

My condolences go out to John's family. I didn't know John for a very long time but in the time I knew him he was a great guy. I used to play pool with John all the time for about a year and a half. I or he would call each other up to play pool almost every week. I always enjoyed playing pool with John and I cherish those times very much. I wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye to him before he went on to a better place but I'm sure he can here me in heaven. "Goodbye John, I'll miss you, I will always remember you and keep brushing up on your game. Rest in peace John."

Fred

Close

May he Rest In Peace  / Ryan Collett
I don't know him or even seen him before. I would never even see him either I'm doing this because I saw this and feel the pain when I lost family. I am sorry for your loss and sorry I can't do more. May he Rest In Peace and God be with you and him. I bow to a great soul.

Goodbye John (whom I will never know)  
 Ryan Collett
Knight of the Brother Hood Close

Never / Erik Wolfer (co-worker aand friend)
Never Did I think I would see this day. The day a guy that was trying to make his life right would leave like this. I knew him well enough to say this.

" The day you left burned a hole in my heart and one day when I see you again it will be repaired." Close

i miss you  / Jamie Zollo (sista)
Questions

Did you hear me
calling your name
begging for mercy from a place I know not of
Did you hear me asking you to stay
Did you feel my hands on you
Did you slip away into the silence out of want or need
    or because I did not come fast enough to bring you home to me
Do you hear me
when I talk to you in dark hours
when I laugh
while I cry
Do you put your hands on me so I can breath again
Are you singing to me in my sleep
    and do you know my prayers
I live the questions
Hoping that you fly in all knowing truth
a garden of serenity
Sharing in the peace of great love
with a universe that creates all that is good
    and all that is evil
to build us up and break us down
'til we appreciate all that is
and are ready to come home
And if you do not answer me
I will not curse the sky
or walk in fear
Because I already know
And I will sing you a song
Some distant day

Nina, I offer you my deepest condolences. You are in my thoughts an prayers everyday. But I also thank you for bringing John into this world. If he was only going to be here for such a short time I am eternally greatful to have been a part of that life. I miss him so much. He was like a brother to me and I will love him til my last breath and even after. Close